Who Am I? A Life Or A Matter In It?

I observe things. The people, places, situations, nights and the words. I observe. I deduct. I react. I do my own judgement. I observe the way a person folds his arms, way his eyebrows bend or the lips twitch. The way a person puts on his shirt, folds the sleeves. The way a person retains the Universe, the stars and the constellation in his eyes. 

I read. I learn things from them. A person whom you have casually met for the first time and he holds the door open for you. I learn the kindness and courtesy from them. 

A person you are interacting with, for the first time, opens up and tells you every dark and bright tales of their life. I learn honesty and trust at first sight from them. 

A person who keeps calm when I am over-reacting. I learn from them the value of a relationship. 

Small gestures: They will mean everything to you if you observe things, observe people. If you observe everything around you. Gestures are the most beautiful language, if only you understand.

I am a different personality to different people. I am Shy to one, Quiet to another, Rebel to one, Thoughtful to another or maybe Annoying to many. People have their judgement about me based on the way I agree to show a side of my personality to them. 

In the nights of the lonely days, my thoughts get clouded with self-valuation. How many are there who might read me between the lines? There are many I’m unknown to. There are many I have walked away from. There are few I was forced to move away from. There are many I have not met yet. Many places I have not been to. Many memories I don’t stick to anymore. I crave for deep conversations, I crave for someone to hold on to my thoughts and hug my soul. I crave for the love which is beyond explanation, expression and judgement. How do I discover myself through the eyes of people who do observe things like I do? How do I know if I really exist to be read and written about, someday. How do I know if I exist as a life or a little matter in it? How do I wish to be connected mentally. A desire in them to read my words and measure the depths in my thoughts. 

I yearn to know every inch of my existence through the eyes which Observe.

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77 thoughts on “Who Am I? A Life Or A Matter In It?

  1. i am the one
    me mum gave into
    the feeling
    pleasure
    and another mouth to feed
    been hiding ever since
    and they ask what s wrogn with you
    the anger
    the danger
    of being
    an eteranl
    stranger
    outside
    and unloved

    Liked by 5 people

  2. A beauty of a write Anuska, a sort of searching the soul through the lanes of knowing the physical self,attributes, inter personal relations or observation of life around . The distinct identity or the existence itself may get a soothing answer by looking inward and knowing HIM for knowing us! Loved the questions of post soaked in philosophy of life. Great times. Peace.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Sir. Truly said, existence itself may get a soothing answer for looking inward. Strange life could be. How we wish and hypothetically believe at times.. that the we see things, how about we being seen with same eyes.
      Another strange thing could be that we all get into that phase of life where we seek answers of our questions from ourselves only and not from the others.
      Best wishes to you, Sir. Your thoughts always add beauty to my posts. 😊😊

      – Anushka

      Liked by 1 person

  3. why ask why? though i know many of the things you write and do many of them also, i find i dont dwell on them as it seems to take away my energy. i have a running blog in my head for a long time on many of the things you have said or even just the theme itself. maybe to spend so much time pondering life, does not give one time to live. πŸ™‚

    a good write.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank You, Buddy. πŸ˜ŠπŸ™‚
      Couldn’t agree more. Over analysing and over thinking eats up the energy which we are supposed to route somewhere else, in something productive. But my belief is.. if something has once come to your mind, you won’t be free from the thought of it until you have not expressed it somewhere, verbally. If some thoughts remain stuck, unexpressed, it eats up more energy. 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on ~Burning Woman~ and commented:
    From one observer to another, this had to appear on ~burning woman~ This is for those who use observation (looking out) and introspection (looking within) to define themselves, as who they are compared to who they’d rather be.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. True that. Thank You. 😊
      We see ourselves basis the circumstances we are into. We should start looking ourselves through the same eyes we see others. It’s more about an observer intriguing into self, if an observer is also being observed by some other observer. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Love how you captured a string of thoughts inside my introverted head. It’s when I sit and be silent that I observe a lot of things and question of just about anything (your words above included). Then, in an instant, I’d forget all about it and focus on another thought, person or thing. It’s a cycle actually.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Bingo!! It’s amusing to locate and find same species as we are, who think alike, observe alike. 😊
      Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it and looking forward to read your posts.
      Happy to be connected. Keep well.

      – Anushka

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Howsoever sad I may be… reading
    you is like a lazarus effect.
    Keep thinking keep writing keep letting the world know the beauty your mind beholds.

    You are what matters in life!
    To answer your question πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Worth Reading.. Even I wish to learn so many things after reading this.. So many good comments already given in the post.. Right now don’t have new words for praising this post..
    All I can say,
    Fan hogaya apke blogs ka,

    Firse..
    πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello Ann!! There are many round the globe who thinks alike. And that is a comforting realisation. When you know you are not alone, you feel more secured, more confident. Thank you dear, for stopping by and leaving wonderful words. Glad to be connected. 😊

      Love, Anushka.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on Inner Ramblings Boulevard: and commented:
    Authenticity.
    This is something I crave.
    When I come across people
    who aren’t afraid to bear their souls
    I pause, I take notice, I relate, I connect.

    If you’re like me, the following post
    by ‘The Hedonist’, one of our loyal followers,
    will totally resonate within you,
    confirming that you are not alone in your quest for :realness’.
    Have a read and see if you agree.
    Enjoy! 🌷

    October 23 2016 (Showcase Reblog)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Interesting observations. It is true that we each have a unique perspective on life, shaped by our experiences. A few of us retain the curiosity of childhood. Many more view the world warily, as a result of the harm done to them. Writers are often observers. None of us though can simply “observe” life. We are thrust into it, whether we want to be or not. Wishing you more happiness than sadness. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have spoken my heart. We observe through our experiences, we learn. We decode and we write. That might help somebody else someday. Most of us, at blogosphere, do observe and so we write. World has got very few good listeners but great number not readers. We can not speak out our observation, people may not tend to listen. But we can write. People certainly do read.

      Have a great day to you. Keep well. 😊😊

      – Anushka

      Like

  10. Thanks for dropping by, “liking” my story and following. I also liked your blog and will reciprocate (I don’t always, only where I’d genuinely like to read more). How could I do otherwise? The phrase, “I crave for deep conversations,” had me hooked, that’s something I also enjoy, looking forward to reading more posts.

    Liked by 1 person

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