Pain Is Not Romantic.

I have had fooled enough of me. Quite often.

I have a room of happiness in my mind. The door of it has a thin rope of expectations attached to it. The door is held open for me because I have tied the other end of the rope to the people who are supposed to act in a defined way so that the rope is held tight and the room gets enough air of joy and contentment.

One day, there comes the moment of wrath and disputes. People I have always banked on, keep hold of the rope loose. The door of happiness is temporarily closed. I feel shattered and broken. And the vicious cycle continues.
Why do we have to base our happiness on a certain set of Nouns and Verbs? Why do we have to sound broken? Why don’t we focus more on fixing the issues than on the issue itself?

So somebody ever told you: 

” Oh, you are sad and broken? Shattered? You look beautiful! ”

No! No one is going to love us because we are broken. How often do we like to look ourselves in a broken mirror? Not really, eh!!

Broken and sad is not beautiful. Hanging your happiness in somebody else’s cupboard is also not so beautiful. Pain is not beautiful. Heartbreaks are not beautiful. Sadness is not beautiful. What is beautiful is YOU, when you decide to get up, buckle up, face the pain, endure it and hold the door of happiness open for yourself.

I personally discourage the Poets and the writers who romanticize the pain and separations. No, there is nothing fascinating about the pain. There is nothing romantic about separation.

All those writers who told you that Pain makes us, they lied to you. Pain and separation don’t make you. Have you Cancer? You go out and get it treated. Cancer didn’t make you. It could have broken you rather. But you got it fixed. You have to fix the pain. You don’t have to romanticize it.

How about getting a deal? Next time on, when we feel like throwing the stuff off the desk, we won’t romanticize about it.

We won’t romanticize about the rainy days of our lives. We won’t romanticize about the people who intentionally lost the hold of the rope. We won’t romanticize about those long nights of shedding tears into the pillow. We won’t romanticize about the days when we bunked our offices only to lock ourselves in a dark room.

We would rather fascinate about the hugs of a friend or a beloved during those rainy days who stays thousand kilometers away. A cup of tea. A new book. Open windows. Bright light. We would rather romanticize about a good movie or soothing music that never lost hope in you yourself holding your door of happiness.



31 thoughts on “Pain Is Not Romantic.

  1. In Buddhism, we are told to sit with the suffering, feel it, and take care of it, transform it. You treat your feelings like a young child and take care of them until you have transformed the suffering. The Heart of the Teachings of Buddha by Thich Naht Hanh. Good stuff πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You invoke a lot of power …the kind …like you very well point out …the power that makes us see the beauty in our Being when we step up to where we belong and see ourselves …free of the suffering. I love the analogy of the door of happiness open with some strings to it handed to other people!

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  3. And get treated for mental illness, if diagnosed!

    It’s well and good to go out and use the power of your mind to choose happiness over sadness but if you’re burying the pain without fixing it by forcing happiness, that pain is going to resurface. Do your best to be happy, choose happiness AND at the same time, work on the getting rid of the pain the right way. Open that door to happiness but make sure that when it’s opened again later, there is no ghost waiting to come out.

    I did everything. People say I’ve succeeded. I have a good life. I got a nice CFO/FD title with the pay, had lots of boyfriends for 10 years to get over my divorce, partied with so many friends I don’t even remember where and how I met most of them, bought a house and 2 cars, went out on adventures, traveled, wore Jimmy Choo, got remarried, etc… then when you have all those and the “ceiling” isn’t moving up to give space to more stuff that make me “happy”, the emptiness comes back.

    And so do the tears for no reason.

    What do you do?

    At least starting the work of healing from this position should be easier than from my position 18 years ago… I guess.

    Good post, all the same. I agree, pain isn’t romantic. Some pains are necessary to grow but unnecessary pains? Not wise.

    I wish all the very best! πŸ’–πŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am noticing, the older I get, how few, “real” connections people ever make. The feeling of knowing I may have, if even for a brief moment, enough love to give another person, the ability to connect with them as a person and not from a place of necessity or demand, is a wonderful moment. Thank you, the joys in healing are much better. You have a gifted way of explaining, thanks you for sharing it. πŸ™‚


  5. You are quite right… Pain, being heartbroken, sadness: all those states could not seem inspirational… I don’t like writers who write from a painful perspective… I am thinking of a well known italian writer Cesare Pavese. He wrote a diary until he finally commited suicide…I couldn t finish the book… I felt my mood was becoming too unhappy, somehow… Great post here… Wishing you well πŸ’πŸ’Œ

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  6. Pingback: Pain Is Not Romantic. β€” An Obvious Oblivion Blog | New Beginnings

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