Coexistence!

It was till late I was of the belief I had a Dissociative Identity Disorder. I was not always sure what I really wanted until I found myself chasing some other goals, traveling different roads.

Thoughts were like those drops of dew which slipped off the leaf, merged to make it denser and held itself long enough onto the edge. But it lost its existence as soon as it fell off the edge.
I hold no shame in accepting I have had my own perceptions getting dirtier or cleaner with time.
As I’m growing old to find myself closer to the realities that do change with changed lenses, I find what doesn’t kill you is a myth.

There is life. There is death. Everything in between is either Love or a Myth.

No, I don’t have a Dissociative Identity Disorder. I now feel nothing more strongly than the coexistence of two women inside me.
One survives backstage. Visible to quite a few. Always drowning. Always panicking.

Abandoned, Rejected, Disappointed!

She is hopeless. She is helpless. She knows the world is not a nice place to be. She gives up quite frequently. She sees the world burning with self-made hatred, grudges, and regrets. Her soul cries for the peace to be taken care of individually.

But then there is her counterpart. She appears on the front stage. She is what the world sees. She keeps holding the hands of her coexisting partner. She keeps her from drowning. She wears the smile on her face as an armor. She fights back. She rebels. She keeps the hope alive. She knows the world is not a place to be, she knows peace is expensive.

Like a jigsaw puzzle, she keeps trying what fits the best in life. She coexists with her drowning partner.

I’m not a dual personality. I’m the behavioral result of what changing realities of the world expect. I find my way to happiness by rerouting my ideas about happiness from time to time.
After all, survival is not of sheer importance, living is.

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21 thoughts on “Coexistence!

  1. Maybe you did have D.I.D, but not anymore? Just joking, I just wanted to try and be clever there. “I find what doesn’t kill you is a myth…” I like seeing the patterns of my changes…sometimes I can see how I’ve taken on different roles (archetypes) at certain times in my life, and it all seems to be for a reason. I’m finding a learning process, and I’m finding that it perpetuates itself.

    Your post reminds me of the idea that “we each have two minds inside of us….” One of them being the “bad wolf” and one of them being “the good wolf.” I like to think that if my learning process perpetuates itself, it also creates a space for the two minds to support each other in progress. Thanks for your post, I can relate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe I had. Who knows! πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ƒ
      The bad wolf and the good wolf inside our minds helps to maintain the balance. As they always said, a little darkness is required for light to be seen. So is the existence of bad wolf or a little negative thoughts in our minds.
      Glad to have read your thoughts on my post. Looking forward to read more of them.
      Merry Christmas. Keep well. 😊😊

      – Anushka

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  2. The universe always gives us the answers, its your only friend. We rarely listen to our intuitions cause we have been raised to trust on human logic of good or bad. The best part is that all roads finally lead to the same destination someday, we just need to hold on to one :). Its the faith that begins to manifests our desires, not pieces of stone or images.
    Keep up the good work !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I could read your beautiful thoughts on my post. It is all making so much of sense to me. And somehow have always believed on what you have said. All the roads between the life and the death leads to one destination only. No matter what road we take. There is no scope of tagging our happiness to something, for nothing is permanent.
      Good that I have come to know you on blogosphere. Glad to be connected and looking forward to enlighten myself more with your writings.

      Keep well. 😊

      – Anushka

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  3. Why worry ? I see the world can make us sad, some people can be bad but there ought to be sunshine after rain, moreover people won’t be same..cause change is the only constant in this world..😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Just to add to my previous comments, the problems only start as thoughts ! Do they exist ? Is it a fact ? Never ! Thoughts are the ones that make or break a person, do you really know which thought would enter your mind next ? Not possible !. You see the moment you start holding yourself accountable for every thing that happens around all problems start and Nobody in this world has the power to change our thoughts but us…Destiny is nothing but manifestations of your thoughts that exist in our subconcious ! The subtle things that we were exposed to as a child growing up infact everthing that came around..The universe only guides us through what we have created..
    CHEERS !

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  5. You are a wonderful writer. You make the mind go to untouched corners.

    Still I will reiterate what I said.

    Your beliefs become your thoughts,Β 
    Your thoughts become your words,Β 
    Your words become your actions,Β 
    Your actions become your habits,Β 
    Your habits become your values,Β 
    Your values become your destiny.

    Mahatma Gandhi

    There is no end to thinking in life. Right or wrong. I don’t know. But what you have to see is.. what’s the aim in life? Hedonism.. happiness.. pleasure.. you have to take a call whether thinking in a particular direction is giving you hope and happiness or having a detrimental effect. Re read the lines of Gandhi. We can alter what we think. We alter what we feel. We alter happiness.
    Lots of love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if my writing goes into the corners of the heart of or not. But do accept my gratitude for having gifted me the reasons and motivation to write. ❀
      As always mutually stated, each word appears to be an echo.
      Idea of alternative realities open doors to many thoughts that might lead us to the Hedonism or utmost happiness.
      Have read those lines of Mahatma Gandhi so many times since yesterday and words appear to be looped in mind.
      Thanks for clearing the dust when vision becomes blurred.
      Love to you. πŸ˜‡

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  6. Beautiful as always and among best i have read,mostly we do have to faces one who we are & one with whome we live but its rather a survival than living.
    Nice portray of inner conflict in words and love the way you supported it with quotations certainly a sign of writer best with pen.
    Have a great week ahead with christmas warmth and a prosperous new year.πŸ’πŸ˜ŠπŸ™

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  7. Brilliantly writing, loved the 3rd, and 4th last paragraph. Highly inspiring writing. I too for a while thought I had DID (reading too much along those lines πŸ˜›). The changing perspective as you’ve mentioned seems to be a result of it… Thanks for dropping by my blog, I am glad to have found yours through it πŸ™‚

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