Amidst the total mental preoccupation with self, I have realized it’s been more than a month that I have released my tangled thoughts at this space (apart from 140 – restricted – characters tweets).
Running far behind the time or maybe way too ahead of the time had got me to a permanent axis where I hardly catch up with the goodness and tranquility of time. While I’m letting everything go after I have touched that phase, it had Impatiently made me to trust that everything I would ever touch will ultimately go off, not always for the good reasons though. The nights, the people and the love. They all do go away.
This space on a not-so-ordinary application has always got me what I am seeking the most. Pleasure. Contentment. Validated existence. This place is where I belong. This is where I empty myself and this place is where I refill myself.
It’s somehow like you keep on walking on a path you choose, you aspire to walk and then you meet the souls you thought filled the empty spaces of your soul like those jigsaw puzzles. And after many nights of exploration you find that center of calmness and serenity in their souls to which you can cling on. And then one day they leave. They leave intentionally or they leave per-forcibly. But they leave.
In last few days of my life, I saw myself sitting under that almost bare tree, aching the departures, mourning the unwanted compromise that I have to make between the ideal dreams and the necessary – ruthless realities. It has hurted so much and I have waited so Impatiently for it to be over that now I believe I am healing.
This soul of mine has been secluded so often that I don’t anymore remember the old me. But sometimes I wonder what if the person that I used to be years back, finds me now? I doubt I would be recognized by my past self. I put my fingers into the flames and i don’t get burnt. Flames inside me are louder and brighter now. My past self was not immunized. This secluded me is more Ignorant and immunized to what she knows and receives.
No matter how sad and lost I find myself but I have an unaccountable urge and urgency to live. I have an urgency to get back to the world on my feet, hands full of dust, and then see the other faces of the time right into it’s eyes.
Every time, more stronger and immunized.