A FAMILIAR MISLAY

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How much happiness is the enough happiness for your heart to hold?
If it is much more than what you could carefully handle, then what do you do to keep it intact – making sure it doesn’t flow over the edges during the course of you being excessive careful with it?

July 31st

With great struggle I found the cab I had booked almost 40 minutes ago. I boarded it in a jiffy and thanked my driver for not abandoning me while I waited patiently for the cab.
In a minute or two, I had settled down with the damp smell inside the cab and rested my head on the window pane of the back seat.
I stared right into the falling raindrops playing with the reflections of the lights from the stores and the traffic on my window.
My cab was barely moving and yet I was neither in a hurry nor impatient. Its stupid!
How can one possibly feel arrived before they actually arrive somewhere.
You know that feeling – you see an unknown, unfamiliar number flashing on your mobile screen. You want to take that call, you want to see what lies on the other side but you hesitate. You are so made up of your thoughts that nothing really seems to talk you off the ledge.

Driver must have sensed the pain and anxiety one would normally feel as soon as they board a cab in the city right after the evening rain. He switched on the FM and the station ‘accidentally’ started playing Nothing Else Matters from Metallica.

Wait!
I should not feel anything anymore.
How can one feel nearly perfect being stuck in a never-ending traffic?
With every moment moving ahead on that road in the cab, I felt as if I was travelling in an entirely different direction on the parallel lane as if the completeness of that moment was enough for my delicate heart to hold. Sometimes we have to make assumptions that maybe this is it now! That’s all I can handle.
Wherever that cab was supposed to take me to was the most beautiful trap of life – you have seen it, you have known it, you have addressed to it and later you have either felt incompetent or devastated. It shows you where you need to go but it never takes you anywhere.
Years later, I feel as if I never got off that cab. I am not lost for sure but I am still trying to figure out where I had to go, where I am to go.

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